I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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