Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize