I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
