She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
