What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
