Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
literally had 100 drinks last night.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
