I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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