He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
