obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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