omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
