did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
