Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
