She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
