I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
