I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize