I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
