omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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