Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
