he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
