I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
How external is "for external use only"?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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