mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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