I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize