remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Dear god my vagina.
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