Betty ford says i'm here all night
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
