Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
