RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
