Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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