I can tuck mytits in my pants
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
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