OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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