you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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