My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
