i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
