It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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