She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
