Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
