I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
