My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
