What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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