Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
