shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize