google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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