Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
