just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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