You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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