My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
