Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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