You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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