Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
