Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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