Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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