If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I am naked and annoyed.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
