on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
