? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
