I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
