as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Your cock deserves a montage
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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