So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
