Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
