I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
