someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
