haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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