You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
