dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
