Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
