I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
