4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
