I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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