We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
