i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
