remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
