took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize