this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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