there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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