i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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