Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
