fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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