The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
