he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
