His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
