I'm really into asian looking animals
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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