Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
