i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
