I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
