Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
