I'm so fucking centered right now
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
