Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
