Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
