Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
