he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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