I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I believe in your delicious
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
