tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
