Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
