he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
