What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
