and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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