forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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