The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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