Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
