Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
