He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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